


A Midsummer's Nightmare

by Cyrelia_J



Series: The Unrivaled Extraverse [5]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Damar has had enough of your shit, Dukat is a total POS, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Marriage of Convenience, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 15:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14381271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyrelia_J/pseuds/Cyrelia_J
Summary: We learn in "Gemini" that Garak and Dukat had a disastrous 5 year marriage which ended in bitter divorce.Catch a glimpse into that fated wedding day wherein both Parmak and Damar try and talk their respective friends out of a disastrous mistake (though in Damar's case "friend" might be a bit generous).Spoiler Alert: neither of them listen"Damar gives it a year. Two if he’s being especially generous. Guls, if it were up to him he wouldn’t even be standing here with a man who he would barely cache as an acquaintance at the best of times..."Extraverse tale #4 set in 2003 (Modern AU aliens still aliens)





	A Midsummer's Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where the compulsion to write this came from but yeah, Dukat is as expected a total POS and Garak is stupidly optimistic? We also learn a few interesting tidbits as well and you can see in the 13 years since Garak and Parmak arrive that his disposition towards them (especially Parmak) has changed somewhat. Anyhoo, more wackiness abounds so enjoy!

         “For the last time, Kelas yes, I’m absolutely sure that I want to go through with this. Really, you act like you’re sending me to an inquisition with Archon Makbar instead of accompanying me down the aisle.” Garak fiddles with his bowtie before Parmak sighs and takes over making the final adjustments.

         “It’s just so soon Elim. It’s only been six months and I just don’t know that I have the best feeling about all this. I know that you disregard my “mystical mumbo jumbo” as Hebetian nonsense but you know that I haven’t had the best feeling about this from the start although I might add that historically I’ve been seldom wrong with these feelings.” He looks at Garak earnestly, fiddling uncomfortably with his own formal dress. They’ve cordoned off the women’s restroom on the first floor of the courthouse for the final preparations before the wedding. Well, Garak supposes it’s not the grand affair that he’d always imagined, eloping in a courthouse in Jersey City of all places because the fees are cheaper across the river.

         Garak sighs, slapping at Parmak’s hands.

         “I swear, Kelas, the way you’ve gone on our entire courtship I’d say you were still bitter about Dukat deciding that he and I were more compatible upon our chance meeting.”

         “It wasn’t a chance meeting, you were sitting in the living room wearing _that_ outfit pretending you hadn’t told me that you would be out all evening.”

         “I told you my date had unexpectedly cancelled. You’re the one who believes in destiny, you of all people should understand how fated our encounter was.”

         “Ah, fated, yes, of course… Mmm… well I forgive you anyway,” Parmak says glancing at the clock on the wall. “There’s still time to back out of this. Six months isn’t a courtship, Elim. You hardly know each other.”

         “It’s plenty of time, Kelas. Really, you sound like one of those traditionalists who romanticize those decades long engagements. It’s really little more than a business arrangement at the heart of it.”

         “Oh that’s so cold and cynical, and you know Mila is going to be furious when she finds out. That’s to say nothing of ah… He who must not be named.” Of course Parmak is referring to Enabran Tain and it isn’t as if Garak hasn’t considered both his mother and… that man into his decision. It wasn’t as if he’d said yes right away when Dukat had made the proposal. Far from it, he’d laughed in his face only to realize that from Dukat’s anger the man was quite serious. So he had to consider it then and alright, perhaps it hadn’t say well that Dukat was eager to have the ceremony on Earth rather than home, that he wanted this elopement instead of a proper beautiful gala that Garak had envisioned, but pragmatism had to fall in somewhere so…

         “You’ve seen far too many of these Earth movies. I have a life to live and I should think that Dukat and I will have a productive partnership.” Productive partnership was how Dukat had phrased it when he proposed and while it may not have been the most romantic thing it was well… a thing that he had to consider.

         “And he’s wealthy,” Parmak adds and Garak stops mid fussing with his hair. He looks at Parmak in the mirror.

         “He has sufficient assets for a comfortable lifestyle, yes,” Garak answers after a pause. That may have been one of the other things he’d considered.

         “Mmm, and if I recall, doesn’t he also have an ex-wife that he’s making quite comfortable as well? An ex-wife and seven children?”

         “Eight,” Garak says jaw just a bit tight. Parmak knows that it’s eight because he has a bastard daughter with a Bajoran mistress… possibly others. “We’ve all made our fair share of mistakes-”

         “I suppose Athra might say the same…”

         “-and he has grown and matured as a man and _learned_ from them,” Garak replies with as much confidence as he can manage on behalf of his future husband. Those words rattle around in his head strangely still. Well, he’ll get used to them.

         “I do hope for your sake that the two of you are compatible,” Parmak finishes with another deep _Parmak_ sigh of disapproval. Garak is about to answer that the Dukat family wealth is enough to make a vole and a hound compatible but he doesn’t imagine that to be terribly productive. Alright, so he _is_ nervous and this _is_ a rather large step but after thirteen years on Earth he’s still not as financially well off as he needs to be if he wants to really be able to launch his career. Dukat may like to be a bit too fond of hearing himself talking but he’s easy on the eyes. He may not always listen when Garak is talking and he’s not the most engaging conversationalist- preferring deference to any real debate- but he’s got an exceptionally nice dick and he knows how to use it fantastically and has Garak mentioned he’s loaded?

         “There are far worse things to build a marriage off of.” Garak holds up a hand when Parmak looks like he wants to protest again. “My mind is made up here.” There’s a distinct frown there as Garak takes Parmak’s hands, clasping them tightly, both of them leaning in, forehead to forehead, their two _chufas_ meeting warmly. Parmak sighs, the both of them closing their eyes.

         “Elim-”

         “You have been my dearest friend for as long as it should matter. You have always had my best interests in mind and I should never think to have another as precious to me as you. Your support in this matter is paramount in my continued success and happiness, my dear Kelas.”

         “It’s not fair of you to placate me with such underhanded sentimentality. I know that’s what you’re doing and you’re a terrible person. But you have it. Absolutely you have it. Though I promise you, should he treat you unkindly to a bad end in this, I reserve the right to remind you of your stubborn foolishness until we’re both in the ground.”

         “That’s all I ask of you,” Garak says, voice just a touch unsteady as he squeezes Parmak’s hands. He takes a step back, forcing that uneasy smile into something more genuine; the butterflies in his stomach remind him how thankful he was that he skipped breakfast. “So, how do I look?” he asks arms out, giving a bit of a dramatic turn. Parmak applauds him. Dukat had said to spare no expense with his dress; he should be adorned as a man befitting his status. Well, Garak thinks he’s done an admirable job. The tuxedo is one that he’d designed himself from the most beautiful shimmering white, every stitch carefully sewn, the jacket over a black shirt, such a lovely contrast with the shined black shoes and a black and white bowtie. He’s so terribly proud of his outfit, if nothing else, he’s sure the pictures will look marvelous.

         Parmak beams at him, himself dressed in a matching black tuxedo, his hair carefully plaited in an elaborate white braid down his back. Parmak had written home and had his mother send their heirloom beads, passed down six generations so far in beautiful pastels. Parmak’s mother was cross with him for getting her hopes up but he’d explained that nothing less would suffice for Garak’s most special day and she’d relinquished them if a touch reluctantly. His _chufa_ is a stunning blue and Garak thinks the light lipstick makes him look darling. He can only imagine how Parmak might appear on his own day should he choose the route of marriage himself.

         “You look breathtaking Elim!” Parmak exclaims effusively and Garak can’t help but beam in return. “I don’t see how Dukat will find you anything other than enchanting.” Garak nods, taking a deep breath, wearing that smile like armor as he reaches for the handle of the bathroom door.

         “Well then, Kelas, as they say on Earth, it’s showtime.”

 

* * *

 

         Damar gives it a year. Two if he’s being especially generous. Guls, if it were up to him he wouldn’t even be standing here with a man who he would barely cache as an acquaintance at the best of times. Damar finds it particularly telling that a man with Skrain Dukat’s position and fortune couldn’t find another person to fill such an important role in his upcoming nuptials than a man he hasn’t spoken with since their days at the Academy. That was before Damar had met his wife who subsequently talked him into changing a promising military career path to one to that of a “safe” civil service job. It wasn’t the glory for Cardassia that he’d envisioned but in his defense he’d also been envisioning his wife’s large lovely… eyes and hips and when she nipped at his shoulders and called him “Big Daddy” and… and right, the point being they hadn’t spoken in years.

         Once he found out that it was Elim Garak of all people on the other end of what are surely to be doomed nuptials he’d especially wanted to go running in the other direction and possibly change his phone number as well. He and Garak had come to more of an accord over the years- especially once that business had been sorted out with his wife’s cousin Weyoun, may that slag sucker burn in the darkest pits of hell- but that doesn’t mean that he relished the idea of an afternoon spent in some garish freak show gay Earth wedding. His wife naturally, had pointed out that this was a good opportunity for her “big daddy” to do a little social climbing since he was otherwise doomed to toil in obscurity as an unremarkable bureaucrat otherwise. Well, he hadn’t heard any complains on their vacation to Monte Carlo over the summer, and wasn’t his “unremarkable” career path all to please her anyway?

         Well, his own marital issues aside, Damar was both relieved and somewhat… concerned when he was informed the wedding would not in fact be a tasteless and overdone display of wealth and eye gouging colors but a plain affair at the courthouse. He couldn’t imagine Garak agreeing to such a straight laced and uninspiring ceremony. He hated himself for it but he’d even asked Garak solicitously when asked about any considerations he might have for paperwork and procedures on Earth if this was a carefully curated decision. Naturally Garak had dismissed any concern he had though that _did_ prompt Parmak to jump in and recite him a novel of just exactly everything that was wrong with the marriage including his suspicions that it has nothing to do with affection and everything to do with money.

         It was none of his business. None, absolutely none and he didn’t care. Except now he’s been roped into being Dukat’s best man is it?- it’s _become_ his Gul’s damned business and he has to agree with Parmak. Marriage of convenience or not this is a disaster waiting to happen. As Damar understands it Dukat’s already paying a sizable amount of spousal and child support to his ex-wife Athra since they were married on Earth without a prenuptial agreement and he has a feeling that this marriage is similarly ill thought out. He’d asked Dukat subtly since -again- it’s really none of his business and Dukat had waived him off declaring that anyone should be honored to be his spouse and he couldn’t dream of Garak making such a foolish mistake. Well alright then, as far as Damar is concerned his obligations to his former CO are more than done. He dares a glance to the clock in the men’s room which has been reserved aside in the courthouse for their preparations. It’s a courthouse in Jersey City because, as Dukat had bragged the fees are lower in Jersey. Right, Damar is giving this marriage six months.

         Damar clears his throat, watching Dukat still preening in front of the mirror and fiddles with the cufflinks of his suit jacket. He doesn’t see why they couldn’t have had a traditional Cardassian military ceremony- on Cardassia. Where Dukat surely could have roped one of his subordinates into witnessing... No, Dukat had said that he wanted a simple, private affair on Earth and Damar half suspects that it’s to avoid any likely drama on Cardassia Prime. Damar isn’t even sure that Dukat’s children _know_ he’s getting remarried. It’s disgraceful. Still, Damar keeps his mouth shut reminding himself of Dukat’s generous monetary gift “for his troubles” and the way his wife’s eyes lit up when she saw the charitable deposit into their bank account. Perhaps they can make that addition to the house that she’s been after him to build. He doesn’t see the need himself. They have plenty of spare room now that his son and daughter both have come of age to be fostered properly on Cardassia Prime and attend the Military and Science academies both.

         He looks at the clock again. At this rate they’re going to be late and he’s sure that Earth custom dictates that at least one party ought to be waiting in the room already. Damar has no delusions about it being Garak. He shuffles a bit, hands in his pockets, looking around for any sort of distraction. Dukat has been half carrying a conversation with himself the entire time about his “plans for the future” which Damar has only been half paying attention to. He hopes that the sitter has fed his dogs on time. He sighs, guessing Dukat will be ready when he’s ready.

         “I’m ah... sure that Garak and Parmak are going to look suitably presentable,” Damar offers nearly cringing at such a stupid and pointless non sequitur. Dukat barely seems to notice.

         “Oh it doesn’t matter in the end,” Dukat declares. “I’m sure I’ll look good enough for the both of us. There was a lovely Bajoran woman at the tailor’s shop who put this together.” He shoots Damar a look with a wink. “She was quite efficient,” he brags and Damar amends his earlier estimate to three months. He doesn’t understand why Dukat would even bother going through with this if he’s going to so blatantly disregard his vows before they’ve even started. Not like Damar on the other hand who was as faithful as the day is long except for one little slip up that he’s taking to his grave.

         “I... thought that Garak would be doing all of the suit coordinating.”

         “Garak?” Dukat scoffs. “You’ve seen the way he and that savage tart of his dresses. You think I’d trust _Garak_ with something this important?” Well that was... unexpected but not surprising. Still, Damar has seen Garak’s work over the years- had a few things made for himself in fact and while Garak’s tastes may run to the dramatic he’s more than capable of quality traditional work when commissioned. Damar once again reminds himself of all the zeroes in his account.

         “Of course, and they tell me that his _friend_ had introduced you?” Not that Parmak hadn’t made sure to recount _that_ story a million times too during one of their ah… meetings since then, but it seems a safe point of conversation. Damar isn’t quite sure why but he makes a point to correct Dukat’s improper reference to Parmak. Really, if he actually refers to Parmak that way in person he can’t imagine Garak tolerating it for very long. Though everything about this situation just screams train wreck already so what’s one more ill portend? Ill portend? Guls, he’s ever starting to _sound_ like Parmak… Dukat looks around as if they haven’t already clearly established that no one else is in the bathroom before leaning in with a stage whisper.

         “Oh he did more than introduce us, Damar. He and I were quite the hot item before I realize his roommate was such a good prospect. I dare say he was quite taken with me but you know what they say about Northerners.” Damar is quite familiar, more than familiar having made his fair share of jokes as well about their promiscuity and ill suitedness for any sort of civilized interaction. He thinks of the old earth saying “Bed ‘em don’t wed ‘em” and just… Guls, he hopes he was never this obnoxious about it. It’s taken him a few years to come around, but Kelas Parmak is not just “some northerner”; he is a doctor, he’s proven loyal to a fault despite their differences, and he’s a far more decent sort than Dukat comes off.

         “Yes, well, you’ve found a suitable match so I’d like to congratulate you again on your nuptials. They say that opposites can make for an exciting and well met match.” There, that’s diplomatic enough. It’s a good hint to steer the conversation elsewhere. He’s borrowing from his planned toast but he has a feeling he could repeat the same platitudes _ad infinitum_ and Dukat wouldn’t know the difference. Besides, the “reception” is only going to be the four of them, Damar’s wife, and a few professional contacts. He rather wished Garak’s mother Mila was going to be in attendance as lovely a woman as she is but… Damar fiddles with his own suit again, slightly tight around the neck. His wife had sworn the place she’d bought it was highly recommended and didn’t he look fetching? Why had she insisted that her “big daddy’s perfect measurements” hadn’t changed in the last twenty years he has no idea but he supposes he can eat light while she stuffs her purse full of appetizers.

         “Let me let you in on a little secret, Damar,” Dukat says, ignoring Damar’s obvious attempt at some bland tactful conversation like he’s imparting some wisdom of The Ancients, “Now you may have married for companionship and your wife is a lovely woman, but men of means like myself well, we have to consider our station with these sorts of matches.”

         “Your station?”

         “Oh surely you know that in spite of the names, Elim Garak is the only son of one Enabran Tain. Imagine having a foot into such a powerful family and then tell me you wouldn’t be willing to make a few concessions and slip your _ch’och_ into that fat hole a few times for a connection like that.” Dukat gives him a friendly elbow and Damar is honestly at a complete loss for words. Three months? He gives it a month. A week before Garak throws him out of the house to collect a nice alimony check. Damar swears on the State he just may deck him himself before this is all over. _Just a few more hours, Corat, and you’ll never have to talk to this steaming pile ever again._ He might point out that Garak and “that miserable overbearing old slug who sired me” haven’t spoken in at least fifteen years that he’s aware of and Garak may very well be disinherited but well, Dukat can figure that out on his own. Damar isn’t going to do him any favors. He’s already started a mental count of the clock when Dukat decides he looks “dashing enough” to go and meet his future husband.

         Damar only hopes there’s an open bar.

 

* * *

 

         They run into each other leaving the bathroom, both parties stopping off guard.

Parmak thinks that Dukat and Damar both look quite nice though it looks like Damar’s collar is about to cut off the circulation to his head.

Damar look at Parmak and is reminded just of how… tempting Parmak is and recalling “that night” which the two of them are never going to speak of ever and decides he might just finish this event stone cold sober.

Garak looks at Dukat and feels his resolve strengthen, seeing that handsome smile and swagger- he can do this, _they_ can do this and they can certainly learn to work out an amiable partnership.

And Dukat takes one look at Garak and thinks he looks like a sausage stuffed into a mother of pearl casing, and starts wondering if he might be able to coerce Parmak into one last explosive encounter in the men’s room at the restaurant….

 

_Ay me! For aught I could ever read,_

_Could ever hear by tale or history,_

_The course of true love never did run smooth._

**Author's Note:**

> Also if anyone has any other weird Extraverse stories or referenced events they want to know more about just let me know!


End file.
